"I am freshly gobsmacked every single Sunday morning when I see that about half the women ... are electing to give up their identity. ... 80 percent of women change their identities -- I mean, names -- upon getting married."I felt personally insulted, being a newlywed myself having changed her name. Anyone whose identity is found in their last name needs to look at the bigger picture. Yes, I'm proud of my maiden name and the family it represents. God has blessed me with a cool legacy through my parents. BUT, for me to feel like I am less of a person, or a even different person, simply because my last name changed... as far as I can tell last names are useful for government paperwork and to avoid mixups in grade school. My true heritage is in Christ; it is through Him that I gain my identity, not because of whose last name I tack on after Sarah. I am a child of God, His "precious baby girl" (ask me about that story sometime if I haven't already told you). He is the One who gives my life meaning.
Because of that, I am still me. Being married with a really awesome new last name does not change anything about the core of who I am. My thoughts, my opinions, my interests, my talents and gifts have not been diminished upon entering the marriage state (props to anyone who can name the movie quote I just vaguely alluded to!). Mind if I quote Romeo and Juliet? "That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." I am still Civil Sarah, whether it's Sarah S. or Sarah D. I am still a geek, I am still an engineer, I am still in love with my Hubby, I am still funny (?), I am still crazy about my kiddos, and, most importantly, I am still an heir to the throne of grace (see Titus 3:4-7, Hebrews 4:16). And really, aren't these the things that make up who I am, not my name? Think of a name as more like the "metadata", and interests/personality traits are the core "identity" of the file. (See? I told you I was a geek!)
I'm not anti-changing names. To each her own, and if you're comfortable either way, do it! What frustrates me is that the attacking nature of this article implies that I am less of a person because I am joining with my husband in name. My personal preference is to change my name. Genesis 1:22-24 says,
Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.Taking his name, for me, is a Biblical act of obedience. What better way to submit myself to my husband, to become one, than to take his name? (See Ephesians 5:22-24) This does not render me a slave, or a doormat. This means I continue doing the things God has called me to do, only now I do them alongside the man God himself has blessed me with, with him encouraging and leading me as is his act of obedience.
23 The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called 'woman,'
for she was taken out of man."
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Sure, keeping my last name would have been convenient, and even ok. But I like that it represents the most important decision I have ever made, and, truly, I'm still me.
[Aside: it seems that there are many many comments left on the blog from others who also felt attacked/frustrated by the author, some for different reasons than mine, but all valid. Cool!]
4 comments:
I like it :)
Honestly, one of the biggest reasons I'm for a name change (on at least one spouse's part) is that it's *far* less confusing. "But you've got a different last name…?". "No, I'm sorry, I can't let you do X because I can't tell you're actually his/her spouse by your last name, and you wouldn't happen to have a copy of your marriage license, would you?"
Good reasons I've seen for not changing names is having a business or profession that relies on your current name. Say, for example, a TV anchor, a name-based brand, a writer, or doctor with a well-known medical practice. I mean, these make a lot of sense…
And I *have* even seen the man change his last name to match his wife's… in his case, his last name was more common and much harder to spell, so he went with hers.
Regardless, I think having the same name (besides the obvious anti-confusion benefits) is cool because it does reinforce the oneness of the relationship. It's certainly not a necessity and to each his/her own on something so potentially life-disrupting like that… but to suggest as does the writer of the linked article that it's a loss of identity due to women being pushovers in a man-dominated society seems just plain silly.
Fun post :)
…and thanks for choosing "D"!
@Daniel:
I do agree that certain professions and professional/social positions would make a name change extremely difficult... but the author got all snippy about it, and that was my problem.
And for the record, your sis told me that her hubby would have changed his name to hers had y'all kept the Italian name! Kinda fun :)
Movie Reference = Pride & Prejudice :-D
Great post, Shara!
I know a couple who kept the girl's name as well. She's the last in her family line, and she didn't want to lose the name quite yet, so he took hers in honor of that sentiment. When I was at the wedding, I thought the officiant made a mistake when he announced them, but, I found out soon after, it was done on purpose. :-)
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